I have been lax on my posts due to some shifts in my children’s growing process and not having the time. Growing pains for all at the Sommers’ house. I have had one too many “Two Rivers” days as I call them – which refers to a local mental facility as I feel I am balancing my fragile state of mental health lately. I say this with humor as I am fine but I think we as mothers all have had those days where you are not sure you are getting through to anyone, let alone yourself.
My husband was out of town while some of these shifts have been occurring and upon his return I made a bee line to a bookstore for some “me time” and to locate some form of reference as a voice of reason. I felt like I was losing grip on what used to be a solid ground and sense of confidence as a parent but as your children age, each stage is different and some take you more off guard than others. This phase has thrown me for a loop. I think I have been in the trenches too long which goes to show how important it is to nurture, protect and preserve your self in the midst. A very tough balancing act and for some it is easier and easier at different phases in your life!
After a couple hours break, I felt like a new shiny penny. I found what probably most of you know about and I did know about and even picked it up one day. It wasn’t really what I needed at the time but LET ME JUST SAY IT WAS JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ordered for me and my family- Parenting with Love & Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. (updated and expanded edition). I sat down with my beverage of choice, Starbuck’s mocha, and read the first few pages – “You had me at hello”…….is all I have to say. I know most of you may even have a copy but I highly recommend it if you don’t. I believe there is one for teens for those with older children. I read a few pages then scanned some more but came a across a sentence which I felt relieved to come across, basically it was never too late to implement their philosophy, whew!
A must have manual and constant companion for all parents!!! Hallelujah!
P.S. Did I mention my sweet husband walked in from his trip carrying a bottle of my favorite wine, an orchid, and lovely bar of soap. Sweet man-o-mine!
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I love Jim Fay! You can get love and logic on cd and dvd too if you are having a hard time finding time to read.
ReplyDeleteAs for Two Rivers moments, I can completely empathize. And thank you for calling attention to a mother's need and right for self preservation and nurturing. I have heard some where that one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is certainly a mentally healthy parent. Not to mention the fact that by taking time out for yourself, you are setting an example for your children that they have every right to do the same. Can I get an AMEN?!!
I have to add one thing that we just started at the A casa. It has worked wonders...the jelly bean jar. Every time G does something that deserves a reward (using manners, helping clean up, etc) AND is unsolicited, she gets a jelly bean. After ten jelly beans, she can either eat them or trade them in for something in the PRIZE bag (think rubber balls, swirly straws, stickers, etc). However, jelly beans can also be removed for times of unruly behavior. Of course this makes G really mad, but then I just pull out some Jim Fay on her and say "I'm sorry that you are so sad right now." Just a thought...
ReplyDeleteWe are doing something similar with a weekly chart and each section of the chart during the day she earns a sticker instead of a jelly bean - ie getting dressed, putting toys away, etc. Sounds easy but is like pulling teeth for O. to do. I also listed my rules I have always had out in the open on a sheet of paper so they can be reviewed throughout the day. When she earn enoughs stickers on her chart, she chooses what, where, etc. to do. So she will accure this over 2 weeks then start over. It has worked in the past and I have not been consistent when the good behavior returns. So this is a forever thing and may turn into an allowance type thing as she gets older.
ReplyDeleteI just made up a word - accure - sp accrue
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